Why I decided to travel the world (pt. 1)

After graduating college, my life was a blank slate.

Up to that point I had spent my 22 years in the “bubble” of education, following a clearly-marked and well-trodden path to success. My responsibilities had been obvious. Get good grades. Work a part-time job. Make friends and have fun. Get that college degree.

In that bubble, I felt safe in the knowledge that every major next step in my life was already laid out for me, working towards the vague goal of “getting a good job.” But when I finally graduated and had to get that job, the clearly-marked road I had been following had reached its end. And that loss of direction hit me hard.

To be honest, I had no idea what I actually wanted to do. My generic Business degree could take me anywhere, but I wasn’t so sure I even liked business. For perhaps the first time in my life, I had near complete authority over my future, and it was absolutely terrifying. The transition out of the “bubble” and into complete personal independence was something I hadn’t prepared for adequately. The road forward was clouded by crises – numerous and intense job interviews, the financial pressure of student loans, parental expectations to get a job in my field… I didn’t have time to figure out what I actually wanted to do or what would make me happy. I was afraid for my immediate future.

So I took the safe road.

I got an internship in my field of study. Then a contract job. Then a salary job. And by then, six years had passed and I was 50 miles down a road I had chosen based on fear.

I wasn’t miserable, thankfully, due to my wonderful friends and family and hobbies I had cultivated over the years to enjoy while off the clock. But – I wasn’t happy either.

As I continued down this road, something began to fester. A restlessness, existential and formless, that manifested as anxiety in the moments when I thought of my future. I tried to satisfy it by diversifying how I spent my free time – trying new things, going dancing, rock climbing, taking hiking trips on the weekend… but when I returned to work, the feeling would return with it. I then tried abating my future-anxiety by becoming more financially stable – and spent a year and a half drastically cutting back my lifestyle to pay off my student loan debt. But when I finally saved enough to do so, the anxiety returned.

This was something that wasn’t going away by small lifestyle changes.

I needed something BIG to change, I just didn’t know what.

Then came the layoff. It happened suddenly, without warning, as many layoffs do. My corporate job fell out from under me because of the need to “balance the books” before a company sell-off. I should have been scared, but when I got the news and shut my laptop, what I felt stronger than fear was relief. Like I had just exhaled a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding in for six years.

It was relief that I had finally pulled off of that 50 mile road into an intersection that could go anywhere. Another blank slate.

And this time, I wasn’t going to pick my route based on fear.

Click here for Part 2!